There are some things in this world that we would be perfectly happy not knowing about — the “poop knife” is one of those things. Unfortunately, thanks to one Reddit user, we recently learned that “poop knifes” are an actual utensil.
A Redditor who aptly goes by the screen name “LearnedButt” recently shared his “poop knife” tale, in a thread entitled “I was 22-years-old when I learned that not every family has a poop knife.” He writes that his family “poops big” and that they had a “poop knife.” He described the blade as “an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room,” adding “I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush and your poop knife.”
But at 22 he was over at a friend’s house — this friend happened to be the local “dealer,” selling marijuana to the community — when he learned the hard truth about poop knives. At one point, “LearnedButt” writes that he had to use the restroom, writing “I look down and see that it’s a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife.” Of course, the friend didn’t have a “poop knife” and the unfortunate defecater writes “he starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing … it turns out that none of them had poop knifes, it was just my f**ked up family with their f**ked up bowels.”